Some people are born with confidence, and some of us struggle with it. And for those of us that struggle, sometimes believing in yourself and having self-assurance can be tough. The thing about confidence is that it’s not quite a destination; it’s a spectrum. Some days you may have the spirit to go out and conquer the world, and other days you may feel like hiding under the covers. The true essence of confidence isn’t a trait that you magically acquire, but it is a conscious action that you constantly work towards.
So many things give us reasons not to be confident: magazines tell you you’re body isn’t right, movies tell you you’re not glamorous, or something in the media makes you feel as though you’re missing out on the best. Even life experiences can drag us down. It can be a lot on a person’s psyche at times, and although we try not to, we often internalize those views. So here’s a few tips to try out when you’re feeling especially doubtful.
Reverse The Negativity
One of the biggest parts of becoming confident is learning to reverse those negative thoughts that tell us how unworthy we are. And like Missy Elliot says, sometimes you’ve got to “put that thang down, flip it, and reverse it!” Sometimes you may be in a low place, and it may seem hard to convince yourself of the great qualities about yourself. Try reversing those thoughts with more positive opposites instead. It may seem like such a small thing, but sometimes even an ounce of positivity can change your entire outlook. So you don’t like the stretch marks on your thighs? Make light of it! Connect the dots with those stretch marks and draw constellations like the star you are. Even joking about some of the things we’re super critical of can actually ease our perception of them, and help us feel as if they’re not as big as we once felt they were. It’s all about giving power to the things you want, and refusing to give energy to the negative.
Check Your Crew
Having like-minded people around you is so critical to a positive outlook. Sometimes we may keep people around who we know don’t mean us well, but we allow them to be there because it seems better than having no one at all. This is super false! It is never better to have unsupportive people around you, and it does affect your mental space. While a little critical analysis can be good sometimes to keep a grip on reality, if you’re constantly around negative people that tell you that you’re not enough or constantly point out your flaws in an unnecessarily critical way, it begins to bleed into your own internal voice. This is often times how abusers hold on to their victims by slowly breaking down their self-esteem, but that’s a different topic for a different day. While it is solely your responsibility for actively working on your confidence levels, having the wrong energy around you can make that tasks seem like hiking up a mountain with a backpack full of bricks. So making sure you have the right influences in your life can often greatly impact your ability to boost your confidence. And if you’re so-called friends can’t understand that, leave them at the door.
Stop Comparing Yourself
By far the worst detriment to your self-esteem is comparing yourself to others. Without even realizing it we’re taught to envy others at a young age, and it’s a hard cycle to break. We may look at others and think how much greener the grass seems to be on their side, without even being aware of their own insecurities. There’s this notion in society that we all should be just alike and perfect or “normal” (whatever that is). And we feel as if we don’t measure up to that perfection on some level then there must be something wrong with us, right? Absolutely not! The truth is, there is no such thing as a perfect person on any level, whether it be spiritually, physically, mentally, socially, or otherwise. While certain qualities and traits may seem to be glorified by society as more ideal, much of humanity differs greatly from those ideal images. The beautiful thing about having differences is that they make each of us unique and original. How wonderful is it to know there is no one out there exactly like you? You’re an original, an O.G.
As long as you’re not out here eating human flesh like Hannibal Lecter or killing people (except for these haters! Eowwww *Cardi B style*), I promise your individuality is something to be celebrated.
The sooner we all realize that we are unique and different, the sooner we can begin truly appreciating others and ourselves for all that we have to offer the world. I challenge you to find at least 3 traits about yourself right now that you truly believe are an asset to you individually, and work on harnessing those items to your advantage.